Do Brats Serve?

by Barry Barnes

I’ve heard people reject the idea that we as military dependents and our mothers did not serve. While some Brats have this attitude, it usually comes from guys in their 60s through 80s who served [in the military]two to four years in their late teens to early 20s and who were then (and still are) incapable of understanding what our lives as military dependents were like.

Our understanding of military life as kids was much deeper than was theirs as young men.

I don’t argue with them – although I will point out that it was a very different experience growing up a kid in a military family than being a young airman.

Some military Brats themselves insist on being literalists by saying we didn’t serve. Some even angrily reject the idea. That’s their right. Maybe in some way they didn’t.

Some of the specifics of the “duty” we performed may have differed from that of our military parent(s) but in most cases there was commonality:

▪︎ We lived within a culture which was radically different from that which our parents and kin were born into and of other Americans whom we represented;

▪︎ Our socialistic military culture emphasized a common mission, acceptance of imposed goals and teamwork, sense of service and duty, as well as including provided housing & healthcare, supplemented food and shopping – all very different ffom mainstream US;

▪︎ Individual initiative was less rewarded than adherence to vertically imposed mandates;

▪︎ Capitalistic behavior had no place nor reward in our lives;

▪︎ We were measured by both our achievements and the quality of our behavior;

▪︎ Our behavior had a direct impact on other team members;

▪︎ When the military said to move, we had no say in the matter and had to submit to the ensuing uprooting;

▪︎ We tended to move far more than other Americans could even fathom;

▪︎ Military rules were clearly stated, largely concise, and strictly enforced for our military parent(s) and us as military dependents;

▪︎ Parental discipline tended to strongly reinforce the service and ambassador roles we were expected to display;

▪︎ Our personalities were modified heavily by the culture and actions of our military branch;

▪︎ To a degree, many of us came out of the military in our late teens or early 20s so modified in our personalities and our conscious and subconscious cultural expectations that initially we had difficulties fitting into the civilian world;

▪︎ Many Brats were so affected by their unselected service to their country coupled with their many moves that they continued to feel a need to keep on moving the rest of their lives;

▪︎ Some Brats never developed close relationships with their extended families;

▪︎ The frequent uprootings often resulted in detachment and difficulties regarding long term relationships;

▪︎ Studies of both parents and dependents who moved often show significantly high levels of unrecognized and unresolved grief over the many losses of people and places;

▪︎ Some Brats and some military parents so adopted allegiance to the military that they became extremely patriotic, even nationalistic, believing that the US could do no wrong and was far superior to all other countries;

▪︎ Some other Brats and some military parents lived in several other countries, took to heart the mandate to be ambassadors, ended up extremely openminded and inclusive of other countries and cultures, and became “World Citizens” in outlook;

▪︎ The very label of “military dependent” stated that we were a part of the military and virtually every aspect of our lives was one of service to the goals of our military branch and of the US as a whole.

Some on this group will agree and others will argue the points. 

As for me, I knew then and I know now that I “served.”